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So I Prefer what I've got to what I could get.

That's why Howard has my vote.

It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.

I reckon so.

On another matter when is that lazy arse editor going to post up those questions????

Is it true that Swordfish Trombone was the last 'drunk' album?

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

when the yanks start bombing Iran in the coming months (weeks?) you know there will only be two countries that will publicly support it.

Israel and Australia.

Thats how far up the yanks arse our 70 year old PM has crawled.

I know, its a disgrace!

I stopped listening after Swordfishtrombone, you could tell he was too straight from then on.

Tom Waits tea totaler for over a decade now

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,1932046,00.html

And you won't need no camel, no, no, When Johnny takes you for a ride...
- Sultan of Onan

Send your camel to bed

I'm offering five cents! I'm gambling that one day Oz citizenship may be worth something. It's a big risk, but I will pay five cents for your citizenship. I plan to pray for the Toxic Turd and his mates to be rolled at the next spasm of mock democracy, and then I'll offer to sell the citizenships for ten cents if Rudd wins, otherwise it's off to NZ, or Mars perhaps...
*CAPTAIN AUSTRALIA*

Dear Mr. Bush,

Thank you for declaring war on terrorism. I agree that fighting terrorism is very important. After all, no one really wants terrorists disrupting little league games and trips to the grocery store. I'm sure you've made great progress in making the world a safer place for all of us. And I'm sure each American would really like to help and do our part. There are a few things, however, that I am unclear about. Perhaps you can clarify them for me.

During hurricane Katrina, there were lots of looters stealing TV's and food from local stores. The looters were carrying guns. Are the looters terrorists, or were the police who shot at them terrorists? How come the war on terrorism does not extent to looters?

Whenever there is a blackout in a major city, people break windows and steal merchandise from stores, and commit crimes. I am not an expert, but these people seem to be causing terror. Why don't we just shoot them, like we shoot terrorists in the Middle East?

There is a bully in my neighborhood. He terrorises other kids. Is he a terrorist-in-training or the real thing? Should I call the police and ask them to shoot him? It seems shooting him would be a pre-emptive action.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threatened to destroy Israel. Does that make him a terrorist? Or does he have to attack some country fiirst before he is classified as a terrorist? Personally, I think he would fall under the category of a virgin terrorist, because he hasn't done anything yet. Perhaps you should just shoot him anyway. Then Ahmadinejad can have 72 virgins in his next life, and Irael would be saved. Sounds like a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Mr. Kim in North Korea seems to like to torture his own people. I think that makes him a terrorist, but I could be wrong. Maybe he is just evil, since you said he is part of the axis of evil. If he tortured Middle Eastern terrorists, would that make him a terrorist? Or would it make him our friend?

They say China is one of the biggest violators of Human Rights. Does that make the Chinese government terrorists, even though they are terrorizing their own people? Why do we give a "Most Favored Nation" status to one terrorist country, and bomb another? Is it because they don't export their terrorism? Or are you afraid the Chinese will bomb us back? You know, the Chinese have nuclear weapons too. And there are more Chinese than Americans, so they're probably not scared of us.

Mr. Bush, you once called Democracy "Terror's Antidote". The democratic process was used in Palestine. Hammas won, making a brand new Democracy, That makes them Terror's Antidote. Then you refused to negotiate with them. I don't understand. They were elected with the democratic process, just like you wanted. Please explain.

I remember when a war was declared on crime. We still have crime, so I guess that war was lost. Then there was the war on poverty. And the war on drugs. Are these wars still going on? I don't think any of them have been won yet, but I could be wrong. Now we have a war on terrorism. There seems to be a pattern here, mostly like a pattern of never ending and never winning. Don't ya think?

I have a Samurai sword, Nunchucks, knives, and some throwing stars, but I do not have a gun. If someone breaks into my house, which one should I use to kill them? I can kill them pretty effectively with any of the weapons, but I think using the Samurai sword and knives might make me a terrorist, but not the Nunchucks. I'd hate to be classified as a terrorist. Which one should I use? Please keep in mind that I don't want too much blood all over my house.

Thank you very much for helping me understand these things. I am sure you have great insight into these matters. I am looking forward to your answers.

Dr. R.E. Zee.

A long stint in Guantanamo with rationed dunny paper and no brisk morning jogs allowed would perhaps suffice? Better still, a helicopter ride over the Pacific... and push the bugger out!

Its hard to spell after your 6th tinnie...

You're having a dig, aren't you? He may be just a suckhole to you, but he's OUR little suckhole - you smart-arse cunt!
- Paranoid Raving Right-wing Ratbag on an odd mix of drugs I just got from Johnno down at the pub...

Jesus Trev! Led up the path. L-E-D as in being led, not L-E-A-D the metal. No fucking wonder you didn't get a root!
Let's look at PATH link next!
- P. Dantic

John is in the first position. In the next phase, we lower him gently onto the sharpened stake. When the job is done, he will be squatting, and the point of the stake will protude from his gaping mouth. Of course, he will "stay the course" until "the job is done!"
- Vlad (we never have any callbacks or complaints!)

Good on yer Digger. Here at Reality Central HQ we enjoy a bit of comedy relief.
Flights of mad fancy like yours, always give us a lot of laughs!
- RCHQ (Motto: "I will have reality, or you can go and get fucked!")

I cant make an informed decision until I see John Howard with a noose around his neck.

I was just lead up the path and got nothing!

You tree hugging hippies have been waiting for the end of the world since year dot.
Guess what?
It aint gunna happen!
Global warming-shcwarming; I'm proud to be a global warming sceptic.
Its a great aussie trait.
So forget it Mr Chato, life in our great land will continue on it's upward trend. Especially if you put the team with experience back again this year!

Digger

Cranbourne

Gee, Max - couldn't I just cut 'em up a little bit first?

There is a cure for the PM's sickness, and its remedy should apply to the US Presidunce as well: life in solitary at Guantanamo Bay... or better still Abu Ghraib.

Dollars: That's all it is, pure and simple: dollars...
- Big Spender

That's all it is, pure and simple: racism

Iraq has a government?

The rise of mercenaries and blood-drenched corporations like Blackwater in places as disparate - but obviously connected! - as Iraq and New Orleans is a natural consequence of the global Bushevik catastrofuck. It's not personal, it's business! And no non-Americon terrorist should feel the slighest remorse in targeting these mercenary mutherfuckers!

You ARE a perv. Is that you Tony Abbott?

Ricky, it is "Doctor" not "Mr". We artistes of the surgical profession need all the respect we can get - even if it's a cheap score!

What a filthy little animal! God knows, I could have saved the filthy little beast if only he was rushed to my Recreational Psychiatry unit! Too late, too late. You may be amazed to learn that I saved your national leader when he started to seem very strange. You can take mother-loving too far I believe. I regret that now. But at the time... Anyway, filthy little moral degenerates can be saved, and can become perfectly normal dysfunctional leaders and exemplars of what is usually, and laughably, called social values.

Hey www.xenoxnews.com

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)

The Emperor's will is divine and cannot be faulted. Mere mortals do not the capacity to understand or the right to criticise.

And so they should open the gates.

Howard is also very concerned for the welfare of the people of Iraq and ensuing chaos of a withdrawal.

I propose he also opens the gates and allows 20,000 - 30,000 Iraqis into Australia so they can enjoy the freedom and liberation we are so insistent upon bringing them.

Them Baghdad babies burn at night, burn at night, burn at night
Them Baghdad babies burn at night, they also burn all day...hey!
- J.W.Howdywar (keeping you little voters all cosy and safe)

Mr. Benway, you might want to be very careful fondling brains, as I can already see how distracting this little fantasy can be for you.

While you are busy concentrating on fonding brains, your lawyer-leaches will be sucking the blood out right through your skin. And, if you look real close, these leaches have tiny little blood-red smiles that which they wipe with your dollar bills.

Ricky, I strove to leave a little mystery in this subject, and after all, copyright issues have driven me to resort to legal help more than I care to enumerate, but I digress, as usual. All I am at liberty to divulge Ricky, is that once the obstruction of thick bone has been overcome, the rest is easy. I do look forward to fondling many of your politician's brains very soon - as a prelude to the election.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm really excited at Johnny's plan to pay international bankers ten billion Oz taxpayer dollars to steal our water! And I can hardly wait to taste the raw sewage - Yum! Yum!
No wonder little John is so popular with the Oz public. He's got my arse-sucking vote!
- Brainless Victim of the hypnotic TV screen[:-)

Muslims now, communists last time. Whatever the spin "Weapons of Mass destruction!!" the easily led rabid US citizens that support the gungho stuff have enough evidence that the only real reason is to keep the military production industry striving. It is crucial to Yank economy.

When the terrorist rationale becomes passe a new enemy will be constructed and Ricardovitz will jump on the redneck high horse bandwagon.

Eventually, like all empires, they will run out of cash and go into serious decline and we will have a new dominant nation.

Then the rednecks will have to hide in their dens and play with there guns while some other nations tyrant leader will be calling the shots internationally and causing wholesale slaughter for the good of everyone.

You won't have nothing to fear if you have your gun.

Whoops! Those bastards have taken them away from us.

I heard an interview with some guy last night on a TV program about Al Quida vs. USA....I thought it was great and summed up where we are right now with regards to our irreligion (unless you call consumerism a religion).

‘When a society believes in nothing, the only agenda is fear’

I left the USA after the federal party-poopers wanted to interfere with pure science. Australia was once a nice place, now I can see it is a dystopian shithole on its way to being a full card-carrying hell. I can hear your objections - "we have the best politicians money can buy" - "we are not stupid slaves" - "we are well-informed" - "Australia is not as bad as Somalia, so it's still okay". My poor brainwashed creatures with large mental deficits, I have heard this sort of nonsense before, and it is a sure indication that the end is near. Your government is soon to apply a bastardized form of Recreational Psychiatry(TM) to the lot of you!

I've got numb nuts from waiting so long.

My dear Ricky, it is always good to hear from a fellow student in the university of living flesh. Such a good question Ricky, very good. I must say (and with some professional pride) that I have had not as much as a murmur of complaint from any of my clients at RP. Of course, there are always the party-poopers who like to stick their noses into the artistic expressions of pure science, but I digress. It is good that you have questions Ricky, and I look forward to the day that I can demonstrate my brain liberating techniques to your satisfaction. I would love to add you to my list of scientific breakthroughs.

I really hope Ricardovitz is taking the piss.

The United States has created yet another mythical enemy for everyone to fear, and to get all the dickhead rednecks onside, throwing there fists in the air and yelling 'nuke em all!'.

Dickhead rednecks make up a massive proportion of the population (according to the last census, 77%) and to alienate them through level-headed deplomacy would be detrimental to their election chances.

Ok....You made a strong point....only because your list of moslem attacks was so extensive. And I have to agree that the amount of attacks in Israel (as you mentioned) is quite unbelievable, if not pure insanity.
So then I am warming to your idea....not agreeing with you......just warming to it.

I want to kill them in the name of their god - Allah, Akbar, Muhammed, or whatever.

And, yes, the Muslims drew first blood agaisnt American Civilians on 911. They actually drew blood when they bombed our marines in Saudi Araba, in Lebanon, against Christians in Africa and all Middle Easter countries, when they attacked the WTC in the 1990's, with Anthrax, when they flew a prop-plane into a building in Tampa Florida, when they set off bombs in England, every time they attack an Israeli, when they bombed Bali, when they attacked Christians in Chechnya...

The damned list goes on and on and on. Muslims drew first blood and they must be destroyed. All of them.

Islam drew first blood? You obviously believe all the lies your govt. tells you about who was responsible. I think it's scary that there are people walking around like Ricardovitzwho want to massacre all manner of people with arabic-sounding names, anywhere they live, just because of what they saw on TV that day, 6 years ago. That's the most scary thing of all. Frightening.

If I saw an American man in real life, say, on the street or in a pub, I would be so scared that I think I would I would prefer to just keep my distance from them and not say anything that might make them angry. ...thank you very much, sir.

What makes it worse is - they all want to kill people in the name of THEIR God...they think this is OK. Well, then it stands to reason that if this is OK, then it's OK for ALL people of ALL religions to do it - isn't it?.......so where's the problem???

OK, call them mercinaries...but understand they are not hired to attack the enemy. They are hired to protect fixed and mobile assets from attack. If no-one attacks a Blackwater security detail, they will come back with all their bullets. The five guys that got killed recently died protecting "diplomats." Blackwater has NEVER lost a protectee. But guys with this level of skill and attention to detail do not come cheep.

that a true president's decisions should be made on personal beliefs rather than crap fed to him by the media whores and the flaming-liberal politician anal-whores.

It' don't take too much input and discussion to know that two men aught not be alowed to marry each other.

It don't take too much reconing to figure out that government takes too much of a person's hard earned money away to redistribute to lazy, good for nothing, bums.

It don't take too much thought to figure out that Muslims hate Christians and Jews, always have, always will, and the best thing for our survival is eliminating Muslims.

It dont' take all that much brain power to understand that the ACLU is anti-American, that homosexuals want normal people to embrace their sexual perversions, that CAIR is a terrorist organization, and that Australia is made up of a large minority of limp-wristed, drug-guzzling lemmings, excluding Sir. Howard and his followers.

It dont' take too much cipher'n to figure out that if you take away guns and ammo from citizens that it's easy for dictators to control and eventually enslave them.

I personally believe these things - didn't have to consult with whores, pimps, homosexuals, rabbit-humpers, dope-peddlers, kiddie-diddlers, or Muslims to figure these things out.

Melanie? They are a heterosexual's wet dream. Umm, maybe given the bent rods and bungled butt holes that seem to lurk around here, that don't make no nevermind to them.