THE DAY I HELD MY FART IN

Inspired by a quote.

 

Mother told me to get out of bed,
so i did.
And glided out of my bedroom door with my belly a ballast of methane
and my room it did smell very clean.

Because, my farts I kept within.

Sat in class, on my arse, and no smell came from me.
The other belching brutes kicked and farted a storm but to me,
my teacher was nice and warm and she said:
"Come to my office after school for you did not pollute the room."

And so it was that the home bell went, and I toddled off to my teacher's room.
It was dark in the gloom but she whispered and said:
"Take your pants off I want to give you head."

Well she sucked and sucked and it felt rather nice,
but suddenly a feeling gripped my bowels which I could stop with no trick or device.
My belly it bubbled and popped and then my pecker started to throb;
and so it was that when I came all the gas I had kept within also came too...
and I did a big chocolatey mess on her chair.
She wasn't pleased, that you can believe and I was expelled the next day.

SO it is a true lesson of life that you shouldn't be ashamed of your smell.
Let your farts come out wherever and whenever and your life will be free as well.

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  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    I led a lifestyle of holding farts in. But in the end all I got was stomach cramps and pooey pants.

    Squishy, mushy, yucky, pooey pants.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Mr Downer, you have been warned before about inappropriate posts such as this!
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 16 years ago
    Thank you Flatuu for sharing this very touching story.

    I will see if we can have an excerpt published in our next national education flyer for students.

    Pro-active messages like yours are very important to the lives of our young student population and are especially well amplified when put into the context of a true story.

    Feel welcome to follow this up with me personally or on our blog:
    http://www.alp.org.au/connecting-with-your-government

    P.S. I am sure that Kevin will also approve of highlighting this important message as he has outlined similar stories to me relating to, well, let me say, his biological maturation.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 16 years ago
    Julie! Are you awake now?
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 16 years ago
    In reality it is a rather ambivalent tale, for though he did make a pooey mess by holding his farts in, he was also rewarded by a head job from the teacher.
    And that can't have been such a bad thing.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 16 years ago
    hey Julie; you're the big boss now :)
  • This commment is unpublished.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 15 years ago
    Another xenoxnews.com poetry classic...
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 4 years ago
    @The Honourable Julie Gillard Actually Julia it sounds more like something our current PM did.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 1 years ago
    @Dr IP Freelly Was walking home the other night with that urgent urge that seems to get more urgent as you get older. Hurrying to the door, but not so quick because you know it could cause a pre-emptive release in your dacks. Only a small dollop was released as I finally made the seat.

    Can't imagine what would have happened if I was getting a blow job at same time!
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