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Beg pardon? What does dern't mean? Womp? Translate into English if you can

Who? The 1000 who drowned trying to get to Europe????

Glad ya hate me. Glad ya hate how we git on over here. Hate is good, cuz that way I dern't need no forgiveness from yer kin when I womp some of my hate on you!!!

@LOWORBITMate. We are the envy of the world. Why else are all those numbnuts risking life and limb to come here? 

Australia is such a backward country full of dummies. No wonder Tony Abbot is their leader

@Eric BonchitisOh yeah? Watch it Max they'll bag you, tag you and disappear your ass!!!

And then the US goes boo hoo hoo why does everyone hate our way of life!?!!!

@Gaz KrankenstinePoofy Pete did; cause he fucked his pommy arse all night long at the Preston Market dunnies!

@Gaz KrankenstineThey keep trying to hammer it into us holi polloi that it is the only way. The results are what they want - more war, not less. And now it turns out that the ISIS leader was a former Saddam Army offcier (http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/islamic-state-files-show-structure-of-islamist-terror-group-a-1029274.html) Direct evidence of the blowback from Bush, Howard, and Blair's miserable invasion of Iraq.

What's that old adage? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

@RicardovitzMan you sure are one dumb fuckwijO8

Cops in the States think thier uniform gives them a license to kill backs and hispanics. Luckily most of the fucks couldn't hit the side of a barn

@Huey JacobiteWell we're all still here. Most of us anyway. Maybe things aren't as bad as you guys think?

Well this made me laugh out loud so keep up the good work, guys

Auden was gay? Who knew?

@Max GrossYou can keep your reward...I'd sooner stay sick!

@Tex LumbagoFuck you, four eyes! Where's my fucking vodka?

@DrysdaleWatch David Lynch's immortal polemic on the eternal mystery of life - and living in the a safe, white-bread, middle class suburb: Blue Velvet. All shall be revealed.

I know nuff not ta believe nothin from dirty books written by false prophets, ubermunchies, 'n self-apointed wannabe devil-whore sissy boys.

I think it is called an ear. Heard of it before Drysdale? (get it? heard of it?)

What the fuck is that thing beside the hand in the photo of the man shaving? Some vile orifice?

"I reckon when the Devil truly repents fer his wickedness toward God - he may git a chance at probation, but I dern't pretend ta know nothin 'bout that." But you do pretend to know a lot you sister-fucking hillbilly! You are always spouting your nonsense about God and his bastard son, as if you were the Pope himself. How about wising up and reading something else besides the well thumbed Bible in your dunny? I suggest a little Friedrich Nietzsche, or Crowley, so you can start to learn a few things you numbskull from the Ozarks!

Ahhhh Richie. Sorry Max you just couldn't appreciate his greatness. Or that of the wonderful game of CRICKET

Hang on, sport, I thought Jesus WAS the devil

I reckon the Lord pays 'em perty dang good. Devil gits his own realm, gits human souls ta devour, but dern't forget. The Devil - he's a pay'n the Lord off a HUGE debt fer bein a big-headed runt. As angel Lucifer led thar angels in worshiping God, Lucifer git all big-headed 'n decided some of that worship should be comin his way. He figured he was as good as God and git ta thinkin he's the Lord's equal, 'n thought thar tain't but a hill-o-beans difference tween him 'n the Lord. Then God kicked is sorry ass outa heaven, throwed him down ta hell 'n charged him with catchin 'n keepin ugly, evil human wicket souls. So, Lucifer is God's prison-bitch 'till God declares his debt paid in full. Neither you or I or even thar Devil know when that gonna be. Nosiree. I reckon when the Devil truly repents fer his wickedness toward God - he may git a chance at probation, but I dern't pretend ta know nothin 'bout that.

The devil works for Jesus? Well that is a novel statement, I must say! How much does the Good Lord pay? I can't imagine it being too much, seeing he is Jewish and all.

Yes he is, but them dots ain't him. Thar Devil - he work fer Jesus - y'all know that right? He's Jesus's prison bitch. Sucks bein the Devil, don't it. That's how come he git full right ta take out his meanness on mankind who dern't pay no heed ta the Lord. Dern't forget - the Lord is the Grand Wizard; the Devil is jest a Grand Dragon - tain't ta be fooled with, but he ain't no supreme being neither.

Always look on the bright side of liff

It's...it's... oh shiiit! JESUS IS COMING BACK!!!

So since then no news? Obviously they have something to hide!

They had memes back then? Well I'll be darned.

Truth and Reason. Two lying sonofabitches you should lock up and forget about.

What a wash up after those 8 months! Aussies have the world's stupidest leader and the old sexy redhead's reign is looking better by the minute...What the fuck were those dimwit voters thinking?

The only life that counts is are the ones I started from the drippings out the end of my old fella...

Dern't know nothin 'bout them folks. If'n you vote fer me - PRIME MINISTER ON AUSTRALIA, I'll dance a li'll jew jig fer ya.

Now this is precisely the kind of angry yet ascerbic article xenoxnews must produce on a regular basis

Mr Gross! Blessings upon you! More please! I want to have your baby!

Dear Mr (Mrs/ Miss?) Ricardovitz, your name sounds terribly Jewish to me so p'raps you should challenge that corrupt, warmongering old shitstain Bubby or Booby or Bibby or whatall for HIS job?

Dear Prof. the elepant-in-the-room question your should be posing is this: is there any sign of intelligent life on Earth?

I agree with the main thrust of this piece; inded history has shown that showing weakness is an invitation to invasion. But we need some subtlety when dealing with enemies like these aliens. Rather than nuke them first we should observe them; how do they run their lives. Who are the top dogs? is there a particular family or clique we should contact first? My experience has been that there is always one crook ready to rat out his fellow citizens or moon men for a buck or two. Once we have them then we can take over the rest.

Maybe we can get some sort of trade agreement with them? Because trade, after all, is the only effective path to peace. And prosperity.

Do you think there might be some new type of girl on these Moons? You know, like some sort of sexy swimming mermaid? Hmmm.. I'll be their Marine Boy for sure ;)Yours with stiff stick in hand,Hairy Fuckedknuckle

Damn right Ricky. Those aussies will elect any idiot to be PM.

Looky here boys 'n girls. If NetenyaJew can win, Ricardovitz can win Australia Prime Minister. Vote Ricardovitz - you gonna like yerself fer it.

No need for concern. They are probably just the bright light of the Sun reflected off shiny rocks. Or perhaps the lights of the Gateway to Hell as explained in Revelations 22: " A terrifying flash of light shall sear the eyes of the non-believer, and into the pits of hell he shall be thrust"

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/jupiter-s-moon-ganymede-has-salty-ocean-with-more-water-than-earth/

Now they know Ganymede is filled with water: [url=http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/jupiter-s-moon-ganymede-has-salty-ocean-with-more-water-than-earth/][/url] Looks like the whole Universe is filled with 'spaceman' you bible thumping fuckwit.

Wake up people. Thar ain't no spaceman. No UFO. No nothin from nowwhare visit'n this here planet. Cept God. Hilda, thar ain't a green man in this here universe who's gonna spend the kind a gas money it takes ta fly at near-light-speed fer years 'n years jest ta sniff 'round yer stank cooter. Only a big 'ol fat dummy smok'n the meth pipe 'd think that!!!

Take me spaceman!

Tain't nothin.