NEVER HAD A PIRATE DREAM I DIDN’T LIKE

The timbers creaked as this tub floated gently on the Sargasso Sea.

Most of the lads were down below, snoring off the remains of the night’s revelry. Only me and the Cap’n awake; he behind the wheel, me staring out at the dead dark sea.
I held the rail. And my head started to get weak. Next thing I knew the Cap’n was behind me. He took his cutlass and held it against my neck, his other hand started to unhitch me drawers.

They slid down my legs and fell in a neat pile.

“Spread ‘em Jim” Cap’n said.

My knees parted and my feet moved across the deck. Somewhere a dolphin splashed.

I heard the cap’n spit on his hands and then the rest is a blur…

Like a dream I always have. I was in Aladdin’s cave and big smoky fingers waved “Come here, come here.” I grabbed his balls and started rubbing. Soon a magical genie appeared and bathed me in a whitish glow. The sun froze still and we were granted all our wishes. Our devious desires. The cave was filled with the squeals of pirate lads brandishing their jolly rogers and ejaculating ectoplasm phantoms. Our peckers were like plinths of steel and we fucked all day long…

Back on deck the Cap’n had finished and had walked away.
The waves jostled next to the ship, I bent down and hitched me flags back up and went down below.

Time to have fun with the lads.

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  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Pirate dreams are normal dreams that have been hijacked by the devil.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Some party-pooping joker has been putting small explosives into gay anal love toys. Is that where the saying, "busted arse" comes from? At least he had a morbid sense of humour. So it's not all bad news for gays - just NEARLY all bad news! (Poor bastards!)
    - Hairy-palmed, and going blind
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Now, ain't this 'bout the dumbest thing I've ever read?

    What kind of nevermind is this all about? First, I wouldn't pay a plug nickle to that Buhidist Hippy Steve Jobs Ipod inventor. Its just another tool to funnle more money to the liberal Demo-Socialist Party and pay for Steve Jobs smack habbit.

    Second, I wouldn't buy a guitar neither. Musicians are flakey and music ain't noth'n but rubbish anywho. Karl Marx had it all wrong - Religion ain't the opium of the Masses, music is. I'd just outright ban all music, cept some banjo and fiddle music (still a damned wasteof time).

    Music is just a further obstruction to greater productivity.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Hey Ricky that sounds like the Taliban.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    rag-heads. But, scientists have proven that even dumb monkeys have basic instincts, and those instincts have allowed them to evolve over millions of years without joining the ranks of countless extinct species.

    So, to sum it up: Even the dubest sandn*g*e* ain't wrong about everything.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    It's the 2000's. We ain't had pirates for nearly 150 years or more. They done got themselves killed off many years ago.

    This is becuase they were basically a bunch of homosexuals who didn't like women. They were confined to boats for long periods of time and couldn't procreate. This was a good thing - cause the only thing worse than a Homosexual is a confused Homosexual. You know, the kind of Homosexual that thinks he needs to be a family man and spread his weak seed.

    Pirates would would beat the crap out of each other, slice, dice and kill each other, and sodomize each other under the filthiest conditions. They basicaly looked like filthy disease-ridden cockroaches, so being confined to a boat was about the best life they could hope for.

    Oh, and one more think about the extinct pirates, they were made up of a large number of Ayrabs. Yep, that's right folks, the theiving homofornicating Ayrab was the predominant soul among your syphlis-sored face pirate.

    God thought, "how could I possibly get the world to see how UGLY homosexuals are", And behold, he invented the pirate, gave him syphlis, scurvy, and ricketts, and to top it all, gave him the ugliest face he had at his disposal - that of the Ayrab!

    Now, if that don't beat all! We still have Homosexuals a fantacizing about Pirates, even here today, folks. Problem is the only thing green about pirates wasn't their hair, but their thrench-mouth, festering anus and the puss dripping penises.
    ____________________
    Facts From Ricardovits
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    And I am not ashamed to say that I have loved them all in their own sweet way.

    As for women, well I would root one if I had to.

    MrRicky you are blinded by prejudice and ignorance. Come aboard our Pirate vessel and sail the seven seas of buggery with us!

    You might then change your mind.
  • This commment is unpublished.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 19 years ago
    Meanwhilst on the poop deck
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 15 years ago
    That music would go quite nicely with a pirate radio story I once heard
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