Trust me, says a creepy serial liar!
Dazed, dumbfounded but undaunted, Max Gross rises from his crypt to confront Australia's blasted political landscape and confirm the worst.
Dear loyal readers of Xenox News (and those who stumbled in hoping for porn), let's start with a few quotes:
"All government, indeed every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue, and every prudent act, is founded on compromise and barter." - Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797), orator, philosophical writer, political theorist, and British Parliamentarian.
"...if you want to put a price on carbon, why not just do it with a simple tax?" - Tony Abbott, Opposition Leader, July 29 2009, Sky News Interview.
"Whyalla will be wiped off the map by Julia Gillard’s carbon tax. Whyalla risks becoming a ghost town, an economic wasteland, if this carbon tax goes ahead and that’s true not just of Whyalla... There’s not a state and there’s hardly a region in this country that wouldn’t have major communities devastated by a carbon tax if this goes ahead" - Tony Abbott, Opposition Leader, April 27 2011, Liberal Party website.
"The Australian economy is in a good spot in many ways. It's in a good spot of the world but it's also itself a good spot where growth around 3 per cent is fairly high... inflation is low, the fiscal deficit is low, public debt is low, so prospects for Australia are indeed quite good." - Jorg Decressin, Deputy Director, Research, International Monetary Fund (IMF), April 16 2013, Press Conference, World Economic Outlook (WEO.
"...I puffed on a marijuana cigarette, but I didn't inhale." - Tony Abbott, Health Minister, Howard Era/Error, July 25 2004, The Sydney Morning Herald.
Max likee quotes.
The latter quote obviously offers the best outcome for Australia's future.
If only Tony had pulled on that sploof until his eyes watered, he coughed his guts out, yanked the silver spoon out of sphicter, calmed the fuck down and realised that it is possible to have a disagreement without wanting to punch somebody's lights out.
But no and here we are now, a nation teetering on the razor's edge of historic catastrophe, just because a certain pugilistic, egotistical, mean-spirited young boofhead wouldn't go the full bowl.
Labias and genitals, in about a week's time Australians may well elect the worst federal government in its history, led by the worst leader in its history.
Disembling, evasive, devisive, abusive and shamelessly hypocritical, Mr Tony Abbott, leader of the federal opposition - a party belying it's moniker "Liberal" - has form.
For the past six years, Mr Abbott has demanded the incumbent Labor/Minority government miracle-up a budget surplus despite the Global Financial Crisis but in his recent, grotesque, US-style campaign launch where the balloons had more content than his speech, he dumped his own commitment for a federal budget into surplus.
Nor did he detail his policy costings, which have been independently assessed as being at least $35 billion dollars underfunded, while, in the same breath, he berated the incumbent Labor Minority government for being fiscally irresponsible.
Unlike the Fiberals, Labor has released all of its projected policy costings, which have been confirmed by Treasury and independent observers.
Meanwhile, whenever asked a difficult budget question, Mr Abbott has thrust out his chin, his chest and his fists and asserted, without evidence, that his arithmetical calculations were correct because his shadow treasurer Joe Hockey's steam-driven abacus was the very peak of Fiberal technology.
If elected prime minister, Abbott further asserted, every school student would be issued with their very own Hocknometer Mark2 without charge (except for those peons in public schools).
In fact, if elected prime minister (godhelpusall!), Abbott will scrap jobs, services and people's lives because that is the only way he can fund his few announced policies, such as his ker-razy, super-mega-dooper paid parental leave scheme (Not a tax!) where the filthy rich wives of filthy rich husbands are showered with tens of thousands of dollars for squeezing out prospective captains-of-industry, back-bench Tory MPs and Pimms drinkers.
Fark! Tony Abbott has had six years to develop, refine and cost the policies and programs he wants voters to accept as viable, competant alternatives to the Labor party.
So, with the 2013 federal election set for September 7, what has he released to enable the public to judge for themselves?
Thought bubbles and... balloons.
Echoing the flumbuggery of his mentor, ousted Tory PM and warcrimes accomplice John Howard, Abbott asks voters to trust him, despite previously admitting that nothing he says can be taken as "gospel truth".
As if we didn't already know he is a scurrilous serial liar.
The only thing the Liberals are liberal with is the truth.
