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There is one sure way the prime minister can ensure the prompt and practical roll-out of genuine broadband across Australia: RESIGN!

Now that the latest of useless US revolving door army supremos in ruined Iraq has admitted to a decade or more of occupation, it is clear President "god-told-me-so" Bush plans to leave this gruesome mess to the next Commander in Chief as he blithely swans off to the security and comfort of his Crawford shangri-la. But I think Osama knows where he lives.

By moaning the name of the lord I cum like the space shuttle descending... why spoil a good thing!

Please do something about that big breasted floozy that appears on the splash page. Each time i access Xenox News at work my colleagues make rude remarks... and i think my boss is watching me!

I suggest impaling each other on sharpened stakes. Try it a few times, then report back and let us know if you enjoyed it. Calling out the name of The Lord is optional.
- Vlad (sharp as a stake)

Mr. and Ms. Howard, I am very glad to hear that you seem to have a wonderful sex life as a married couple. Unfortunately, this is so unusual today.

Too often we hear of non-married people fornicating; or even homosexuals inbibing in drugs and sodomizing each other. Also alarming is the hate that sometimes develops between man and wife due to the wife's unruly toung, which can lead to violence. These are unholy and obscene acts that offend the Lord.

I also commend you on your love of Jesus Christ and your willingness to profess that love. The Lord wants you to love your spouse and profess that love to each other.

However, you may be getting confused with the Love you have for the Lord and the love you have for your wife. Both should be equally pleasing, but in different ways.

The the Lord really does not want to be bothered when you are in the act of fulfilling your husbandly or wifely duties. He will take over after the seed has been set free in the proper location, and he doesn't need you screaming his name to do his job. Do you like it when some grunt screams at you while you are trying to do your job?

So, here is what you two love-birds need to do. It's called "conditioning. If Mr. Howard pesters the Lord while delivering seed to his wife, then the Wife simply needs to rack grab hold of and pull your pubic hairs as hard as she can until you scream out "bitch" instead of the Lord's name. Then, if your wife is bothering the Lord, you, Mr. Howard need to bite her left nipple with such force that she screams out "A$$hole"
instead of our beloved Father's name.

Try it a few times, then report back and let us know if you've had success.

Well that's bad luck!

Aby Hitlerststein! Is it really you? How can it be? We are both dead!
- Adolf (remember me? I ran the kosher deli on the korner)

Herr Fudgeknuckle, even though your masterpiece of heart-felt despair reduced me to a deeper state of idiocy, I think it lacks a certain gloss on its pathos. I think it lacks disfiguring disease. How about some added leprosy or dick-rot? Surely that would provide an enhanced lyrical scope on your poetic landscape.
Poetry Poseur and Helpful Critic

This youtube video might help

As long as Johnny's broadband lets me download my special Japanese Performance Art videos quicker he has got my vote!

Meanwhilst on the poop deck

I'm sure I wrote that in another life.

Piracy a Top Naval Priority Worldwide http://www.military.com/NewContent/0,13190,NL_Piracy_102604-P1,00.html Murders by pirates 'on the rise' http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/4242703.stm The modern pirate. http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-17381422.html Pirates hijack ship off Somalia http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4363344.stm Piracy problem is Increasing http://home.wanadoo.nl/m.bruyneel/archive/modern/gang.htmViEtDeVtRiCk

And I am not ashamed to say that I have loved them all in their own sweet way.

As for women, well I would root one if I had to.

MrRicky you are blinded by prejudice and ignorance. Come aboard our Pirate vessel and sail the seven seas of buggery with us!

You might then change your mind.

I suspect this was always the intent of the Bush mob: to smash Iraq into bits and then bunker down in billion dollar fortresses to control the oil at its source!

It's the 2000's. We ain't had pirates for nearly 150 years or more. They done got themselves killed off many years ago.

This is becuase they were basically a bunch of homosexuals who didn't like women. They were confined to boats for long periods of time and couldn't procreate. This was a good thing - cause the only thing worse than a Homosexual is a confused Homosexual. You know, the kind of Homosexual that thinks he needs to be a family man and spread his weak seed.

Pirates would would beat the crap out of each other, slice, dice and kill each other, and sodomize each other under the filthiest conditions. They basicaly looked like filthy disease-ridden cockroaches, so being confined to a boat was about the best life they could hope for.

Oh, and one more think about the extinct pirates, they were made up of a large number of Ayrabs. Yep, that's right folks, the theiving homofornicating Ayrab was the predominant soul among your syphlis-sored face pirate.

God thought, "how could I possibly get the world to see how UGLY homosexuals are", And behold, he invented the pirate, gave him syphlis, scurvy, and ricketts, and to top it all, gave him the ugliest face he had at his disposal - that of the Ayrab!

Now, if that don't beat all! We still have Homosexuals a fantacizing about Pirates, even here today, folks. Problem is the only thing green about pirates wasn't their hair, but their thrench-mouth, festering anus and the puss dripping penises.
____________________
Facts From Ricardovits

Send John! Send John! And all the other sociopaths of his proto-fascist regime.
Do you know how long this occupation would last if our brave leaders and shock-jock opinion making heroes had to expose themselves to deadly fire? I'll tell you. This filthy fraud would be wound-up quicker than a single mother's welfare payments!
- Ex Liberal Voter

rag-heads. But, scientists have proven that even dumb monkeys have basic instincts, and those instincts have allowed them to evolve over millions of years without joining the ranks of countless extinct species.

So, to sum it up: Even the dubest sandn*g*e* ain't wrong about everything.

"anyone [who] resorts to violence to address a perceived problem it is an admission of failure. Hence... Iraq!"

What a bunch of Hippy-Single-Cellular thinking. But, what can we expect, Hippies are less intelligent than monkeys as they have destroyed most of their brain cells. I guess if my kid meets your kid on the playground and beats the living crap out of yours just for kicks and giggles, and your kid fights back, he's a failure. But, in the same vein, if your kid trys to use "peaceful resolution" "reason" and "psychology" to "ease the situation", he's a success, right?

Fact is, that my kid has been taught to recognize all of that crap for exactly what it is - CRAP! And, perhaps he just likes pulverizing little Johnny Hippy for no reason other than for kicks and giggles; or maybe just to make daddy proud.

Seem, sometimes people don't resort to violence to "address a preceived problem". They do it because it's fun, or they like it, or it just feels good, or they can win $20 on a bet. Once you take the time to try to figure out "why" someone is engaging in violent activity on your ass, you're a dead man. You better squash him like a bug before he even gets the chance, and then learn to simply forget about it, like you forgot about taking a crap 3 days ago.

If the Lying Rodent slimes his way back into office yet again, he'll be all alone with his handful of Diggers in bloody Iraq because US Pestilence George W Bogus is going down history's s-bend at a rate of knots like a case of the trots!

Pat Riot can't tell cause from effect! Iranian involvement in the Iraq insurgency is an EFFECT; the 2003 U.S. invasion is the CAUSE.

It is becoming clearer each day that the main culprits behind the terrorist activities in Iraq and Afghanistan are Tehran's Mad Mullahs. How long can we expect the brave soldiers of the Coalition of the Willing to turn their cheek to Iran's IED's and suicide bombers?

A day of reckoning for President Madmanahmed and his cronies is surely coming.

Patriot

Hey Ricky that sounds like the Taliban.

Brid's eye view

http://tinyurl.com/37deve

I'll vote for whoever supports the horny voter.

"Will I have more chance of a root under Howard or Rudd?"

That has always been my call.

Where can I get plans for one of those reform machines? I'm sure I'm not stupid enough to fit in with John Howard's Aussie society.
- Stupid - (but not stupid enough)

All material life is violence. Once an organism has been born (poor bloody thing) it wages relentless war on all other organisms until it finally, and thankfully expires. Your children will compete with other children on a bloody, desperate and apocalyptic world stage. If you want happy stories, there are plenty of pretty little fairy tale books in the stores. BTW, I'm not advocating cruelty, brutality, greed, stupidity, fascism, neo-liberalism, or "devil take the hindmost" economics or similar crap. I think we all need to know what the real situation is.
- Dalai Lama

John W Howard would choke on the truth. He is a chronic liar and deceiver, as his record clearly shows. The fact that people keep voting for him proves Australia is a pathetic amoral backwater.

Children are not "yours" to do what you want with. You are there to nurture not punish. Anytime, anywhere, anyone resorts to violence to address a perceived problem it is an admission of failure. Hence... Iraq!

Concerned Parent, if you are John Howard, the answer is clear - shoot all your children, and then impale your evil little body on a sharpened stake, allowing the tip to protrude from your gaping, lying mouth. I hope this helps. (I thought the solution was obvious!)
- Vlad (sharpened stakes are my game)

Lordy, I am shocked! How can you call our noble leader a 4-eyed cocksucker? I always thought he was a 4-eyed Baghdad Baby-Burning, bum-sucking, gold-plated, lying parasite and suckhole! And that is only when he isn't being a fresh dog-turd on your shoe being tracked through the house...
- Ex Liberal Voter

Now, ain't this 'bout the dumbest thing I've ever read?

What kind of nevermind is this all about? First, I wouldn't pay a plug nickle to that Buhidist Hippy Steve Jobs Ipod inventor. Its just another tool to funnle more money to the liberal Demo-Socialist Party and pay for Steve Jobs smack habbit.

Second, I wouldn't buy a guitar neither. Musicians are flakey and music ain't noth'n but rubbish anywho. Karl Marx had it all wrong - Religion ain't the opium of the Masses, music is. I'd just outright ban all music, cept some banjo and fiddle music (still a damned wasteof time).

Music is just a further obstruction to greater productivity.

This appears to be a very simple question, doesn't it? It really tells much about the person doing the asking.

Here we have a parent who has children, and this parent has to ask permission to use a particular form of discipline on her children. The Nanny-Government has so conditioned an entire generation for the need to consult someone before disciplining their children. This is a pathetic and disheartening sign that people are starting to crave the Nanny-Socialist Government like a Hippy craves Heroin.

WAKE UP! They are your children. Not mine. Not your neighbors. Not the governments, not anybody but yours. If they starve to death, then you have failed as a parent. If they grow up undisciplined like little wild rats, you have failed as a parent. When you got knocked up, you accepted the job of raising those children, feeding those children, disciplining those children and educating those children. This is an entrepreneurial job - you have no boss, not even a mentor. If you plant a tomato plant in your back yard and it dies or gets infected with nemotodes - you don't go crying to the government about its demise do you? If your child turns out rotten, then torture yourself, not society because it was never society's job to rear those children.

Now, that having been established, please feel free to discipline your children in any manner you so desire, short of murder. Murder is illegal. Remember, you own your children - they belong to you and nobody else. You can use your brain or your hands to discipline your child, or even your feet, and any other tool you can make or purchase that would assist you in this endeavor. These are all tools at your disposal and certainly a rod of birch is but one option.

LSD

Will set you free

"A VAGINA BAN"

This is the liberal mind set. It is a disease, a mental dissorder. The Liberal, drug-induced, mind is allways thinking of ways tha the GOVERNMENT can take another freedom or right away.

First they ban guns, now.....

You durgged up hippies are very sick. The best cure for dope-feinds is poisoned dope. How hard could it be to just convert all illegal drugs into flesh-destroying chemical compounds? Mix a little Zoloft with the Hippy's LSD; or a little Scopolamine stirred up with the junky's Heroin.

And, Farmer Vincent says "By By Hippy, By By."

Here is an interesting anagram of IVANA BANGA: "A VAGINA BAN"
- Ana Gramm

Ricky farted
Chato darted
Green Haired Jim's legs parted
that's how the universe started

I ain't gay. I gon't have an achy breaky heart. In fact I hate this little ditty (cept for the last line), but it rhymed so figured I'd throw it into the little poem competition we have goin on here.

So far, I recon I'm look'n real good for the 1st place ribbon.

Pervy, that is beautiful, and I got most of it, but what's the bit about the boots?
- Delighted by it all but slightly puzzled

Some party-pooping joker has been putting small explosives into gay anal love toys. Is that where the saying, "busted arse" comes from? At least he had a morbid sense of humour. So it's not all bad news for gays - just NEARLY all bad news! (Poor bastards!)
- Hairy-palmed, and going blind

Ricky, I'm amazed. You have an "achy breaky heart" after all. Just don't tell me you're also gay! (Please! Don't...)
- Ex Liberal Voter

Pirate dreams are normal dreams that have been hijacked by the devil.

You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone

You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lilps to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who's fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway

Oh tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows that I'm okay
Oh you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me today

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
______________________
Ain't that sump'n?

Herr Fudgeballs, it is time for us all to quit, when we see lovestruck good-lookers going around with non-core John!
- Ex Liberal Voter

At first I thought that this article was "blue balls".

That tells you a lot about where my minds at.

It's at cunt. Or lack thereof.

I could take the easy way out and blame it on myself. My bald head, saggy man boobs, and small penis.

But I know where the real problem lies.

It's all that diabolical ass that is roaming the streets. You can't go out and grab a pint of milk without seeing some sweet darling you'd love to poke. And with all those sexy new fashions I can hardly stay focussed long enough to remember what I went out to buy!

Like last night. I was out for dinner with friends. Strictly business meeting. And on the opposite table was this sweet oriental honey. She was with another hot friend and they were indulging in girl talk and alike. And she was wolfing down those fags like there was no tomorrow.

Now the golden rule is: If she smokes she fucks.

So of course I got my hopes up.

But again they were dashed as it turned out it wasn't just a friend she was with but her lesbian lover!
(I devined all this by snooping on their conversation).

Well there I was, home alone again.


Y'know maybe it is John Howard's fault?

I'll read them to you. I have a smooth coffee voice, tits, and a beard. It will excite you no end.

Heater now uninstalled and replaced by Yukka tree which will be replaced by flat screen.

Found out that CD player no longer works! Can't remember trashing that? Piece of shit anyway.

Digger, I don't think political tapeworms "flock back" to the rectums of their heroes. Once a tapeworm falls out of a warm arsehole, it probably can't slither back in. It is a harsh fact, but I hope that it helped to clarify your thinking.
- Ex Liberal Voter