My Wife the Domestic Terrorist

At home I live in fear. A furtive glance over the shoulder in the Kitchen. A shadow of dread in the Lounge room…

drugs i take

Is she around?

 

And isn’t that what the terrorist does? Makes us live in fear?

We all know the scourge of terrorism is spreading its tentacles. Even the peaceful backwater of suburban Australia is not out of its grip.

 

nipple piercer

This she wants me to wear. On my nipples and scrotum.

 

Terrorism. It can come in many forms…the crazed beheading jihadi…the greenie spiking the trees with iron bolts… the hipster supporting the islamofascists Hamas against poor little Israel…

And now it is even reaching into the home. Let me tell you about the diabolical threat of the Domestic terrorist.

I didn’t do anything wrong, obviously. But she was on my back. Day and night. I’m always checking my phone… to see if she has too.

 

condi

My domestic terrorist looks meaner than this one playing the piano...

  

Some days she pulls a knife out the drawer. She slides the blunt edge across her neck looking at me.

What more fucking proof do you need!

Now they got these super snooping powers surely Tony, or George, or Malcolm, can do something about her.

Put ASIO on the case fer gawdsakes!

Now I know she doesn’t wear a burka, but my lord she has that terrorist scowl! If I even raise my voice her eyes stare me down.

What can I do? I am trapped in a web of her making... 

Forgot those ISIS clowns send the SAS to me. Now.

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  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    Well she can terrorise you all she wants but at the end of the day are getting any? You know, some Matrimonial duties ;) What the Good Lord made Eve for? Are you?

    Cause I'm not. Not a lick.

    If you are I reckon it's a price worth paying.

    Yours limply in hand,
    Hairy Buttknuckle
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    Lived with one too. This cunt wouldn't let me fart or shit. I was his completely he said. Beat me and nearly killed me. if that's not terrorism what is?

    Maybe if we defined domestic violence as terrorism they might do something?
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    I say send the Missus to ISIS. Birds of a feather etc... 
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    The men of today. If they are not planning to rape some woman on twitter, then they are fretting about getting a backhander from the wife every now and then.

    Pathetic. 
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    My boy Putin is a gunnin fer you Aussies. Yessiree. Wanna know why? Cuz you ain't git NO GUNS!!! Your women folks done cut your man-sacks off 'n now you look like a bunch of clukin hens fer the Russian Wolf to feast on. That sackless tranny-nanny Barak Obama is tryin ta do the same thang to us Dixies. But, we won't have none of his black monkey shine. Nosiree. Come 'n git us Putin....I'll fight yer commie whores 'n make gasoline outa yer thin commie blood!!!
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    What happened to all those Russian ships heading our way? Took a detour? Sunk? Lost in a cyclone? Pity they didn't show up; they could have taken Abbott and his band of Lib fuckwits back to Siberia with them.
  • This commment is unpublished.
    · 11 years ago
    Nope. Thar 'bout 50 nautical miles off yer NE shore jest mull'n 'round, drink'n vodka 'n listenin in on piss'n 'n groanin 'bout bannin more guns.
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