Dear Ricky...

Whether or not to fart in public is both a regional matter, and a biological matter. From the biological perspective, there are several catagories of people that should be excused for farting in public: 1) Very young children; 2) Old people; 3) the Mentally Retarded; 4) the Sexually Retarded male species. The first three should be excused for obvious reasons, the fourth requires some discussion. Sexually Retarded men have loose bowels and sphincters as a result of anal sex and sticking things in their butts that do not belong. As a result, you will find that sexually retarded men have lost all ability to hold in methane and other noxious substances until an appropriate time. Thus, they excrete gas constantly, with little ability to conform to society's norms in this regard. Furthermore, it's not just gaseious material that is being excreted. Fecal matter, blood, semen, and lubricant oozes out of the Sexualy Retarded male dependant upon the amount of devient sex the male is having. For this reason, it is highly recomended that these people be required to wear tampons in their anuses, or at least maxi-pads strapped to their rear ends to stop the spread of disease, foul smells, and embarasing moist spotting of their garments. The second catagory of people who expell gas in public are what we call in the states, "trailor trash". These are rude individuals who find it humerous to anoy others with the putrid stench of their anal excrament. Most likely they were raised by a single parent, in 90% of the cases by the "whore-mommy". The whore-mommy is a fornicating slut who doesn't care about her own pride, let alone the pride of her bastard-offspring. She lets her runts run around like wild animals without the least bit of discipline or education on proper breeding. The whore-mommy's little bastards "fart", "burp", "grunt", "masturbate", play with fecal matter, eat dirt, play with roaches and rodents, spreading germs and diseases wherever they go. The whore-mommy bastards are allways the ones who have lice in their hair in school; have scabies and crabs. They speak in eubornics or gutter-trash language, mainly repeating what they saw or heard their whore-mommies doing the preceding night: "yo-yo, fuk'n beeeetch, watchabee" for example is eubonics for "spread your legs, woman, so I can fornicate with you while your 4 year old son is watching us from across the room". However, I digress. The point is that most cultures that condone excreting body-gas in public are a by-product of the whore-mommy sub-culture.

Y'know, it can be a little nerve wracking and occasionally I have let one pop off because I couldn't hold it in. Luckily in all these times I was in a public place so I could blame it on others.

Be careful! John Hogturd was a fart that escaped.
If you don't believe it possible, you should dig up the Ren and Stimpy episode about that kind of thing.

For those really loose and stinky arseholes, nothing can match a Johnny Howard for sure self-insertion.
Feeling relaxed and comfortable - right at home with all the other turdly matter.