Dear Ricky, I have a problem...

Rick seems to be shy today. But I'll help:- There is a funny little bald rodent infesting Kirribilli House. I believe that for a bit of public notoriety he would suck all the badness out of your sausage.
He has sucked on the very rich and famous, to their great satisfaction.
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Well, Dribbling Dick, as I see it you have two problems: Your whore needs to be punished. And the prostitute that gave you the clap needs to make restitution for her sins. Obviously the whore you call "wife" hasn't been treating you right, so you felt it necessary to seek a little relief from a prostitute. You just need to butch up and show her that YOU are the man and give it to her good and hard - make her perform her wifely duties and tell her to shut her f-ing trap. That's the problem with men today, they just don't know how to treat a woman. Now, with regard to the prostitute, Dribbling Dick, you are probably one cheap f*&# and if you weren't so damn tight with your sheckles you could have taken a little trip to indonesia where you could screw young virgins all day long. So, you really got what you deserved you dirty cheap bastard! But, If'n I were you, that wouldn't make no nevermind to me. So, you still need to get your pound of flesh from the prostitute - regardless of whatever faults you might have. What the American Injuns would have done was simply scalp the prostitute - make her scalp into a perty wig, and then have his squaw wear it when he's giving it to her good and hard. This is a win-win for everyone: wife gets a perty new wig; prostitute pays for her sins with a pound of flesth; and wife gets what she has coming to her.

Your a nasty piece of work Rick.