“We now know, that despite the sedition charges, the sexual assault finding, the promises of revenge and retribution, Trump will become the 47th president of the United States”, writes Emily Clark, the ABC’s Washington correspondent.

Who could have guessed that pretending to fellate a microphone was a vote winner?

I wish I could say this is unbelievable but it isn’t. It makes complete sense. It’s the most logical outcome. Tens of million Americans voted to burn their nation to the ground.

Yes, Donald Trump – aka Donald J Ebola aka Donnie Diaper – has won the 2024 US presidential election.

I was going to write a long, infuriated diatribe listing his well established depravity, his criminality, his malice, his spite, his venality, his incoherence, his incompetence, his threats of violence, his dementia, his megalomania, his misogyny, his bigotry, his ceaseless brazen lies – so many that it is almost impossible for fact-checkers to keep up – but then I thought: why bother? Everyone knows who Trump is. Everyone knows what Trump is.

All that’s left now is to sit back, get utterly drunk, and watch as the USA sinks to the bottom of the sewer.

Good night, good luck, and wake me when the last star drops from the ragged remains of Old Glory.